Getting good
There are three things I find myself telling my son over and over and over again.
He's a teenager, so that's the way things go.
Over and over and over again.
One - You don't get good at anything without practicing.
Two - You have two ears and one mouth so you should always listen twice as much as you talk; and
Three - You don't have to have an opinion about everything.
I didn't invent these. My dad told me over and over and over again. Marcus Aurelius wrote extensively about at least two of them. But these are the buttons I push with my son most.
The first is all about frustration.
He wants to be good at everything all the time. He likes to win. And when he doesn't, he gets frustrated.
It's not in my nature to just let him win. Or fix the game so he feels good about himself. I believe it'll do him more good to practice and get good on his own - then beat me and never lose to me again. Ever.
So I don't let him win so he won't let me win when he gets better than me. That's what makes the game great in the first place. Hopefully, it will help him learn how to be gracious in defeat and generous in victory.
Which I find to be honorable.
The second is about learning and showing respect.
Listen. With intent. The person telling you the story will appreciate it and you'll learn something along the way.
Even if you're not interested in what's being said.
That, alone, will be an exercise in patience. And understanding.
Which is incredibly useful. Every day.
The third is about how minding your business is a path to success.
If it doesn't matter to you, your opinion will only distract you from what matters. To you.
The things troubling other people don't have to be troublesome to you.
These are three things I find myself telling my son over and over and over again. The buttons I push the most. Because I think they matter the most.
And if I'm completely honest, it's not really for him.
It's for me. So I can remember to show him how these things matter, too.
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